This Thing Called Life

This Thing Called Riley

2009-05-31T22:32:00.000-04:00

Damn him and his amazingness. Why must I be so attracted to this guy. Just answer me why, and maybe I'd forget. Some really ancient, deceased guy once said something along the lines of The things that always look so good and true, are usually masked by lies and innocence. Sad thing is, I always apply that statement to Riley. Does he deserve it? No. He's been nothing but honest, trustworthy, and true to me. Riley, a million words can describe you. A million butterflies could tell you the feelings inside me right now. A million things can tell you how much those words, his words, have affected me. Do I hold them to you? Not at all. But I keep it in the back of my mind, and I always have. The past is the past, and I have decided it is time to faze out those words from my head. It's time to move forward, progress instead of retrogressing. The future is a new day, and I'm welcoming it with open arms. Not just for you, but for life as a whole. A new beginning. A new time to reinvent myself, develop myself, and live life.

Riley. Oh Riley. My favorite australian guy ever. Not only are you amazingly cute, but you just fit a whole package. Why you talk to me (of all people) I will never understand, but i'm truly lucky to have you to talk too. But yes, back to the package. No, not that package. But You. You're more than just the average teenage soccer player who has no brains. In fact, you've set a new standard to "jock." Actually, I wouldn't even define you as that. You're far to above that to even be considered that. You actually have a personality. A cute, adorable, warming personality. I love how random things can get, and how our conversations stay away from sexual thoughts. It makes me feel like you actually care and respect for me as a person. You, too, have brought a different outlook to me.

This Thing Called Riley. He seems far to true to be real. Deep down, I know he is. He makes me think, wonder, ponder. His mysteriousness is what catches my eye. He is a guy. No. He isn't just 'a guy'. He's more than a guy. He's that guy. You know. The one that everyone stares at when he enters the room. The one everyone wants to talk to, to be with. He's the one who everyone wants. The one everyone likes. But yet, he is still there. Still has time to talk to me. Still has time to make 'small-talk'. Still has time. He is Riley, nothing other than that. So, in summary, This thing called Riley, is more than just amazing. It's speechless.

Oh, and he has an amazing voice. ;)

This Thing Called 30 Books, 91 Days

2009-05-31T11:44:00.000-04:00

Yes, I have this goal which may seem a bit undesirable to most people. 30 Books read, in 91 days. Equaling out to about a book ever 3 or so days. For me, this doesn't seem to hard. I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, probably, minus vacation/work/hanging out with my friends. My hopes for basically doing this are two things. One being to increase my literacy rate and read faster. The other, to hopefully increase my writing ability and open up my creativity. Being that some of the books are easier than others, and I might fall behind/not feel like reading others, I've compiled a list of books that I plan to read over the course of the summer. Chances are, I will only get half way through reading any of these books. Oh! Did I mention I have a record of reading 2 books in less than 20 hours? :D
1. Crank by Ellen Hopkins {Currently Reading}
2. Impulse by Ellen Hopkins
3. Burned by Ellen Hopkins
4. Glass by Ellen Hopkins
5. The War of The Worlds by H.G. Wells
6. Marked by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast
7. Betrayed by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast
8. Chosen by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast
9. Untamed by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast
10. Hunted by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast
11. Lord Loss by Darren Shan
12. Demon Thief by Darren Shan
13. Slawter by Darren Shan
14. Bec by Darren Shan
15. Blood Beast by Darren Shan
16. The Demonata Demon Apocalypse by Darren Shan
17. Death's Shadow by Darren Shan
18. Wolf Island by Darren Shan
19. Once Dead, Twice Shy by Kim Harrison
20. The Summoning by Kelley Armstrong
21. The Awakening by Kelley Armstrong
22. Blue is for Nightmares by Laurie Faria Stolarz
23. White is for Magic by Laurie Faria Stolarz
24. Silver is for Secrets by Laurie Faria Stolarz
25. Red is for Remembrance by Laurie Faria Stolarz
26. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
27. Twisted by Laurie Halse Anderson
28. Suicide Notes by Michael Thomas Ford
29. Bleed by Laurie Faria Stolarz
30. Pure Sunshine by Brian James

This Thing Called Summer Goals

2009-05-31T01:19:00.000-04:00

First Off- Blegh, no posts in a while. Sorries, not that anyone really cares, but yea. I shall be posting more frequently. My schedule has been majorly busy and hectic lately. Finals in 7 school days, then I'm free until August 31st. Yay for that! Well, minus the clutches of work. That shall be a problem.

Next Off- You should all comment every now and then, posting randomness. Might even inspire a post here and there. I love questions, they get me thinking.

The Post- Everyone has summer goals, right? Well so do I. In fact, I have quite a bit of summer goals in which I hope to strive for. Some which may be complete stupidity, others which might not be the best of choices, and other which are like wow. I honestly can't wait until summer starts, but that means leaving those amazing friends I managed to make this year. They broke me out of my shell, and for that I will love them forever. Luckily, we all agreed (at least me and mary) to make an attempt to hang once a week. Gosh I love that girl, she's crazier than me. She is my Maymay. Anyway, back to my goals. Nothing to detailed, just a list. I could go into further detail, but being that it is 1:23 A.M., I can't seem to conjure up enough strength or thought to make a detailed list. Comment, and I shall return with an explanation though.
- Lose 5 Pounds {I've lost 2 already, so I'm almost half way there, bringing my weight to 115}
- Read 30 Books {Currently Reading: Crank by Ellen Hopkins and Night by Elie Wiesel}
- Go Camping Twice {One Trip Already Scheduled}
- Gain 1100$ {What I spent on my new computer}
- Obtain Learners {Bout Time, well, soon}
- Try for Abs {Trust Me, My stomach isn't worth looking at}
- Get a Boy/Girlfriend
- Make a new friend
- Get A Tan {Pale Is not in}
- Break out of my shell more
- Discover a new amazingness.
- Watch 15 Movies {Shouldn't take too long}
- Hang with Mary, once a week!
- Catch Up with Old friends
- Catch Up with New friends
- Be myself, and nothing but myself.
- Make a stupid decision, or two.

Any suggestions on books/movies/ways for abs/ways to get a good tan? :D
Any goals you guys havee?

This Thing Called Backstabbing

2009-05-22T22:09:00.000-04:00

Generally unforgivable. The first time, sure I suppose I can build a fucking bridge and get over it. The second time, the cut is deeper. I might need a skyscraper tall enough to overcome it. The third time, I sit here and ponder. What am I pondering? Why I put up with this shit any longer. I'm tired of being put through hell, only to be lied to. You make me feel like shit for every little thing I say. Every instance I might say something wrong, I fret. Even when I do nothing wrong, I still feel like shit. You've made me miserable, and I will never quite understand it. You loved me, I didn't love you. I was your best friend, you used to be one of mine. The thing is, you played your cards wrong once to many times. I guess it comes to karma. If you tell me you are going to tell the truth, and I ask you five times if you are; then why on earth would you say: "Why are you doubting me, of course I will tell the truth." When the time came to it, you decided to play the fake card. This was your choice, and you cannot go back on it. You did the exact thing I was doubting you about. Honestly, if you had told me straight out that you were going to lie, this would've been ten times easier. But in reality, you went behind my back in the attempt of thinking I would never find out. I did. This all blew up in your face. I've learned to forgive and forget your mistakes several times. I've even let shit roll off my back. This time is different. This time you set a dagger through my heart. I cannot trust you with anything anymore. You made a mistake. A mistake that cannot be changed.

The sad thing is, I feel relieved. I feel liberated. Rejuvenated. A new individual. This pain that had been stuck in me, now gone. I feel bad saying this, but maybe we are best left alone. Your life to your, mine to mine. For now, I will stay on this side of the town lines, you on yours. If you would ever seriously need me, I wouldn't be there for you. Not now, not tomorrow. One week from today, maybe so. But not now. I can't. I'm too hurt to think about you. I'm too happy to think of the future. You let your selfish ability take advantage of you. What you though was the best, turned to bite you in the ass. In the future, I hope you play your cards better, and come out with a royal flush. For now, I bid you farewell.

This Thing Called Allen

2009-05-18T21:45:00.000-04:00

Why does this guy make me feel so special, so wanted. He is the pinnacle of my day, everytime I talk to him. I seriously can't pinpoint what it is about him that is so amazing. I know that I am going to be writing a long post about probably nothing. But I really want to. This guy is just too amazing not to talk about. I would spread it to the world how much I love him. He is always there for me, and always giving support to me when I need it. Honestly, he is what I would describe as the perfect boyfriend. Anyone would be lucky to have him. Seriously who wouldn't want to be with this guy. He's just an explosion of perfection onto an art canvas. The perfectly hued flower lying in a field of wilting, bitter complementary flowers. The highlight of 'Flora'duhh. Hehe, he even makes me write the stupidest puns in the history of this earth. But why do I do it? I know he won't care. He isn't a judgemental asshole ready to pounce on my mistakes (minus grammar) like a wild tiger. Allen is simply undefinable. It would take a text longer than the bible to go detail by detail to what makes him so special. I love our midnight chats which go on for ages about insignificant things. These insignificance (to most people) are what makes me love him so. They make me smile. Our kinkyness. His kinkyness. My kinkyness. Why is this so. Why is this so. I keep asking myself why I'm headoverheels for someone i've never met before. I can't seem to come up with an answer other than; You just are, get over it. I know that we can never resort to anything more than friends, but if we could.. trust me, I would try my best. Allen, you have been an epiphany in my life. Changing my negativity to positivity. Making me feel better, making me realize I had nothing to fret over or feel bad about, making me feel myself. Because of you, I am a stronger person. Because of you, I believe in myself. Because of you, I am nothing other than myself. Not a day goes by without me thinking of you. Not a day goes by when I don't remember you. Not a day goes by when I don't want to talk to you. I don't think I could ever be upset over anything you do to me. You are the definition of a friend, a loved one, a true person. You are Allen. Stay true to that, and never change.
<3

This Thing Called Thanks

2009-05-16T12:27:00.000-04:00

The Posed Question- Are you thankful for who you are?

Honestly, if I were to keep it simple and to the point I would say that I am sometimes thankful for who I am. I mean, I have my shares of bad points and my highlights as well. So here's where it comes down, me compiling a very boring list of things about me that I am thankful for, and then the things I am not.

The Things I Am Thankful About For Who I Am;
- My friends. I know I may complain about them every now and then, and even get in minuscule disputes with some of them here and there, but in the end I know that they will always be there to have my back. If I honestly needed any of them or I began to fall, I assure myself every day that they would be there to bring me up from the dumps. My friends are the best things to ever happen to me, no matter what anyone else or even myself may say at times.
-My job. I know I may be contradicting myself at times, but I truly do love that place. In a sense, it is my safe haven. I know that I can rely on pretty much everyone who works there, minus a select few. Even when I seem to struggle at times, I always have people to catch me and bring me to a high point.
-My studies. Oh yes, I love school. Call me a nerd, if you please. Why do I love it so? I guess you could say that I love being surrounded by a knowledge source. Knowing is what keeps me ticking. Learning never caused anyone harm, and without it, we would all be ignorant and insignificant.
-My sister. I love her so dearly. We fight, we make up, we live laugh and love. Corny, I know. But I never thought growing up that I would have such a close bond with her that I do.
-My personality. Although I may not get along with everyone, at every point in the day, I do love how I am. I guess I could describe myself as a bit.. off beat and weird. But hell, some people tend to like it. If you don't, well I used to care.. but now it's whatever. If you don't like me, that is your problem.

What I'm Not Thankful For;
-My friends. Yes, contradictory. These people can be such funsuckers and amazingly stressful at times. Especially when I find someone I trust, and they turn around and stab me in the back.
-My sexuality. Even more stressful. It sucks trying to keep this hidden from my family. If not, I will most likely be kicked out of my house, left to support myself. Luckily, I can rely on those friends and basically have a place to live if I get kicked out.
-My hair. Ohemgee. I freaking hate my curlyness. I'm so glad I recently discovered the wonders of straightening it.
-My views on things. I always try to find the goodness in every person. It seriously sucks, especially when they just pick you apart and make you feel like shit. I also despise some of my tastes.
-My habits. In a shortened way, they are just boringg. I feel like I do the same thing, everyday. It sucks. Time to shake it up.

So am I thankful for who I am? Well, I guess. Try compiling a list of your own, if you please. It can't be that hard.
<3

This Thing Called Inspiration

2009-05-15T21:17:00.000-04:00

Inspiration can come in the form of many things. Like nouns, inspirations can be people, places, things, and even ideas. For this purpose, I am going to describe my current inspirations. These are my friends, but not just any friends. Oddly enough, I've never met them in person. Yet, they continue to be there for me and do the best they can. Not only are they amazing, they are just all around amazing people. I have never been so inspired in my life by something that seems so unreal. If I was to one day lose immediate contact, or if anything was to happen to them... I would be completely devastated.

Amanda- Oh boy, where should I start. This girl is a complete reflection of what I strive to put myself to. Sure, she has her ups and downs like everyone else. But hell, she goes out of her way every single day to make not only me, but other complete strangers as happy as they can be. Her frame of mind is always generally positive, and she is outright amazing. She may not have the ideal life, with her set of problems, but she is always there. I freaking love this girl. I don't know why, but I seriously consider her a true friend. She can reach out and grasp me with her love, and make me feel useful and wanted when I am down in the dumps. I love her, our conversations, her dinosaurism, and our bambles about Mr. Clean and his little... thing. Would I do anything to know this girl in person? Yes, absolutely. If she ever seriously needed me for anything, I would be by her side in a heartbeat. Knowing she is there makes the world all the better, and being friends with her has changed my mind set forever. I may not know everything about her, and she may not know everything about me, but over time, I hope I will be able to get to know her even more. Amanda, I have one thing to say, as time passes, I know we may grow apart. But please, oh please, never forget me for I will never forget you. You have engraved yourself in my heart forever, and I will never lose sight of you.

Allen- Allen, oh allen. Where art my fair love. Boy, you be the kinkiest thing to ever set foot in my life. Whats so strange about it, is that I loveee it. I really do. I could laugh and smile for hours just thinking about you, can you only imagine the thoughts racing through my head when I actually am talking to you. I know this may sound sad, but you were/basically still are the only black guy I have ever had a full-on crush for. The only black guy I have ever found seriously cute. The only guy I have actually considered trusting with my heart, secrets, and life. Allen, why can't you live closer. You are an amazing guy, and I may not be worth the trouble or even good enough for you, but you truly deserve someone special in your life. If he doesn't treat you right, well, I'll come kick his ass. You are the sweetest thing to grace this planet. What drags me closer to you is the fact that even after endless chatter for hours we can still have a point to our conversations. I learn something new about you everyday, and for that I am thankful. If I could say anything to you in person, I wouldn't say a word. I would just hug you for an endless amount of time. I am in love with this boy. He deserves so much and has such a bright future ahead for him. You've been the biggest support system I've had in a while, minus Amanda and a few good friends here at home, and to know that you actually care about me makes a world of a difference. I love you in all honesty. You are an amazing guy, and yes I realize I've flooded this post with that, but it is so true. Allen.. in short terms, relates to everything. He is life. He is good-looking. He is supportive. Nurturing. Caring. Loving. Amazing. Himself. Above all, himself. He is an individual. He is.... allen.

This Thing Called Music - Mayday Parade

2009-05-14T21:01:00.000-04:00

So, they may not be the 'best' looking group on the planet. Especially with mophead in there. Oh who am I kidding, their semiadorable. Okay, not semi... because I don't dig those shady looking people, but still. Mayday Parade not only have amazing album covers and shirts, but their lyrics are drop-dead-amazing. Seriously, how can anyone not say they can't relate to something they sing, or at the least say they've never related to something they sing. They have their fair share of slow and upbeat songs, which shows their amazing versatility as a band. Yet his voice can be a bit raspy sometimes, Derek is absolutely amazing. By far my favorite band at the moment. God, sitting here listening their songs make me think a million times over and over. About what, you may ask, well it changes. It's nothing good, nothing bad. Just thoughts. I can't say i've adored a band this much. Honestly, it'll probably die off in a few days like most of my obsessions, but I assure you I will always be in love with their songs. My favorites, well... I wish I could say the whole album, but that would be being to broad. So I'll narrow it down to three. When I Get Home, You're So Dead, Jersey, and I'd Hate To Be You. I can't say why, just that the lyrics are oh so mesmerizing. I adore Mayday Parade, thus I have chosen to share them with you guys.

"Well i'm thinking of the worst things that i could say to you but a promise doesn't mean a thing anymore and this never will be right with me."

This Thing Called Threats

2009-05-14T19:55:00.000-04:00

The Backstory- So, apparently there is this guy at work who has stated he wants to kill me. Well, not only me, but several other people. Why does he want to kill me? Well, we could say jealousy takes effect in this situation. Not only jealousy, though. He thinks i'm gay, which topples onto my problems with him. Not only is he the shadiest person who I work with, he is the most ignorant. The girl who he likes who I supposedly flirt with is not only my good friend, but she doesn't even like him. She actually think's he's quite creepy. I too agree with this.

The Issue- Apparently I'm not supposed to be upset with him over this. Apparently I'm not supposed to say a word to him about it. And apparently i'm supposed to just let the whole thing blow over. What is this nonsense. He's a nuisance, and needs to leave. If he's going to discriminate and threaten not only me, but other coworkers, he has no need to be working where we work.

What I Plan To Do- Well, Andrew had no problem bitching him out today in preshift, so why shouldn't I do the same next time he works. Honestly, this shit has been bothering me for a week, and I need to get this out in the open. His view is so uncalled for and so unwelcoming. He is disrespectful, and therefore something needs to be done. Now, I may be seen as starting shit, but I honestly can't deal with him anymore. He needs to be dealt with, and I'm pretty sure that i'm not the only one who wants to start shit with him. In fact, I can think of three other people who want too.

Am I in the wrong for not wanting to hold back. Apparently i'm supposed to just sit here like a quiet fucking goose like i've done the rest of my god damn life. No. People are constantly telling me to stand up for myself. So this is the time. May he watch his damn words in the future, or hold his peace.

Asshole.

This Thing Called Sex

2009-05-13T12:02:00.000-04:00

img from thesun.co.uk

Why is it that nearly every teenager these days have a goal of getting laid? Honestly, I really doubt that sex is all that. If you really want to get pleasure, whats so wrong with doing it yourself. No, i'm not trying to say that abstinence is the way to life. I don't support abstinence in anyway. I'm just trying to say, why have sex at such young ages? Personally, I would much rather wait to have sex until I'm 100% ready. Not just when I feel like getting laid. Yes, I have multiple fantasy's in having sex, and yes I would love to get laid right now. But why am I waiting? I think i'm not ready, and the fact I haven't found anyone who would be worth having sex with right now. Whether it be gay sex or sex sex, I will still wait. For now, I'm flying solo until I find that one [hopefully] guy, or girl to have it with. Until then, I will wait.

This Thing Called Livewire

2009-05-12T22:00:00.001-04:00

There's this thing called Livewire. A so-called site for support. It's supportive-ness is, well, not so hot. But it's not just the supposed support which draws people in. Honestly, what is it about this addictiveness drives people in? Well, lets analyze this.

Spammers/Trolls- Not just your ordinary spammers. These people go above and beyond to make a nuisance of themselves. Not only are they terrible at what they do, they are just outright funny about it. Their several outrageous posts about insignificant things are actually (sometimes) the highlight of Livewire. Don't get me wrong, there are the stupid trolls. Like those who post things like... well, I can't honestly find a post since Moderation tends to delete these posts. But, the terrible ones do tend to send 'offensive' messages, such as this. In general, these people can be massively funny, if they are good at what they do.

Moderation- Not only are they good at what they do, they are amazing people. Granted, like most sites there are the fair share of douchey assholes and those who shouldn't be there, but they do have the good ones. For instance; Periwinkle or even JennyColada. Oddly enough, there are those who moderate in a taciturn manner (meaning Telomere13.) There is also the overly compulsive moderator(now administrator) The Professional... we just won't touch upon him. In all, most members develop a personal level with at least one moderator who they can trust. These are real people, and they do have meaning to some people. They make all the better.

Community- Except for the several sourpusses on the site, each and every person has a sense of community in which they can joke around and kid with one another. This sense of community, like stated above, can also stretch to even those in charge. Even in the heat of time, people can generally get over themselves and accept people for who they are. When needed, these members can step out of their comfort zone and help others, just because they do care.

Friendship- Yes, this concept may seem a bit cut and paste, but it really does happen. The people you meet on here are one in a kind and they do matter to most people. My favorites tend to be; Emma, Allen, Amanda and Steph. Not only do you get a sense of connection with them, but you feel as though they care and actually want to be your friend. The whole 'internet' friendships never used to be my thing, in fact, I used to be afraid to talk to people about my issues, but these people have changed that. Not only have they helped my self-esteem, they have changed my outlook on life and how I view other people. They truly have made a difference in my life.

So what do you get out of joining this site, or even remaining a member? Well, I think the answer is pretty obvious, but it's up to you.

This Thing Called Cuteness

2009-05-12T13:54:00.000-04:00

Men~ The best thing to grace this earth. Their emotions, their bodies, and theirselves as a whole.

Why do I like men more than woman? Well, honestly, they are a lot hotter than females. I may be contradicting my first post, but I do have more in common with guys... well, the gay ones at least. And for that, I am happy. They honestly float my boat way more than girls.

Now look at this, possibly the best looking guy i've ever seen. Kidding, of course. But tell me that this is not amazingly cute. Seriously.

This Thing Called Me

2009-05-12T13:30:00.000-04:00

16 Years, 1 Month, and 3 Days Ago I was born. Since then I've lived a pretty decent life. A lot of ups and downs, but that pretty much comes with the package of living. Everyone has their days, even weeks. I've pretty much lived a sedentary life, not moving out of my comfort zone. Lately I've been trying to progress forward and experience more things. Honestly, what is life if you don't live it to the utmost fullest. Like a wise woman said: "Don't be shy, for tomorrow you might be dead." No, I don't live by this quote... Honestly, I'm not even sure those are the right words said. Nevertheless, I'm trying to break free and live a better life. I could say I'm happy, but I really am not. My best friends are mainly... okay, all... females. You see, I tend to get along more with females rather than males. This honestly makes no sense though, why? Well, you see i'm bisexual... well, I lean heavily to the gay side. I don't express it that much in my honest opinion, but I am who I am. Only a select few people truly know that I like guys, but apparently most people expect this. And for that, most guys tend to stray away from me. That and I generally don't have the same likes or dislikes as them. In my lifetime I've had only two boyfriends. Actually, in the last month i've had two boyfriends. Boy do i feel like a slut[?] Not really, but still. There is a short story as to why I've broken up with both of them, for that is another blog post. I would love to live thinking; "My life is mine", but I cannot. The people around me who influence my everyday emotions and decisions make my life for what it is, not just me. <3
~Wayne